It’s starting to hit me, Fletcher is gone. I’ve not had a big cry yet, just a couple of little sobs but I feel it might be on the way today. This is quite an upsetting and long post so I won’t be offended if you don’t read it.
This weekend we were at Alex’s mum’s house. Saturday was relatively uneventful until our afternoon walk where he started passing blood clots the size of small berries. He didn’t seem to notice and I mentioned that the vet had told me on the phone that they could get to be so big and the blood loss that great that he could pass out. We agreed that we were happy that he still wasn’t bothered and that we weren’t that bad yet. In the evening, Fletcher came to sit with us and eat mini doughnuts. He didn’t eat a whole lot of his tea but he definitely still wanted human junk food, he didn’t really want to go out in the garden before then and refused to leave the house, so I picked him up and plonked him outside, not taking his stubbornness as an answer because I wasn’t having him messing in someone else’s house overnight. We went to bed.
On Sunday morning we were woken up with a knock on the door, “Alex, Kerry I think Fletcher is dead.”
I went downstairs and I don’t want to go into detail here as it’s inappropriate but I do feel I need to write this. The way we found him haunted me last night. All I will say is he wasn’t in his bed, however he was on his way over to it, but I think he died from a clot to his brain or his heart and was dead before he hit the ground. He was cold so poor Gwen had to sleep in the same room waiting for the morning. It was Sunday, we were away from home and we weren’t going to take a large dead animal back in the car with us so we had to go and dig a very big hole. Alex has hurt his good wrist and redamaged his broken one, I have a bruise on my palm this morning. Luckily his brother came over straight away and took over. It took three hours but we buried him in cardboard boxes taped together. By this time he looked different and this horrible image keeps coming back to me too.
We drove home, just the three of us. I have already been sad about not putting him in the garden this morning but I couldn’t get upset yesterday because of the horrible things we had to do and the pictures in my head. I don’t want to remember him this way, so I’ve put some of my favourite pictures here too to take a good look at. Gwen is a little quiet but coping well, at least she won’t be looking for him. I think I’m going to let myself have a little cry today, but first, I have to go to work and try and push both of these things out of my mind.